Recently, Daniel "Mad" Martin of the very popular, www.madmortgageworld.com posted the following question on his blog: He asked, "What was your tipping point?"

He wanted to know what was the moment, situation, thing or event that pushed a person into their individual perception of good fortune and success.

This question rang sharply for me...literally struck a chord in my soul.

I believe in being transparent in all relationships...family, friends, co-workers and yes...clients and customers, too.

Thank you, Daniel for this opportunity...

Sometimes it takes an arm bar, a rear naked choke or good chopping leg kick (Yes, I am a HUGE UFC fan) to finally “tip” over into the realm of good fortune.

I will tell you that at the young age of 25, in my first “real”, Corporate job and through the next 10 years at other 40hr, no 50hr, wait, no..60hr per week, “real” Corporate jobs, I was always a star player, ladder climber, awards achiever, bottom line-growth-driver. I do not say this out of ego..NO! The truth is that I may have worked in leadership at “real” Corporate jobs, but I never made any “real” money…until the moment I was given that final spinning back fist!

I won’t bore the readers with the gory details, but will cite here a few phrases that will paint the picture, one you’ve likely heard before or lived through yourself…

“Ran under a bus” “Scape goat” “Political warfare” “C.Y.A”

This was the final round for me. Badly battered emotionally and searing with the injustice of it all I was FORCED to reevaluate just what the heck was I doing for the past 10 years anyway. Now after I threw myself a couple of raging self-pity parties, I realized that regardless of my corporate bumps and bruises, I had ALWAYS been tapped into my one true passion…leading people to their own vision of success.

After 10 years of supervising, managing, training, mentoring and then finally, purely coaching..all for other businesses, I immediately poured myself into building my very own coaching business model and platform. Here’s where it gets sappy…the floodgates opened and in less than 30 days I had developed a website, a business plan and suddenly had 4 clients, then 6, then 10…THE TIPPING POINT.

Moral of my story: Thank the next guy that gives you a real good a**-kicking, once you’re down on the mat, the only thing left to do is to RISE.

-Coach Victoria “Grateful for the a**-kicking” Del Frate

The road you were on yesterday, the road you find yourself on today, and the road you will travel tomorrow are all the “right” road. This has become a mantra that I’ve been sharing with my clients and friends lately. I generally reserve it for those times when someone makes statements like, “I should have done ___ differently,” “If I hadn’t done ___ then ___ wouldn’t have happened,” “I wish I had ___, learned ___, done ___” (You fill in the blanks). It reminds me of a similar phenomenon that happens with teenage girls who want the curly hair that their girlfriend has because their hair is straight, or the blondes who dye their hair brown and the brunettes who dye their hair blonde. It’s also similar to how many people who live in the mountains crave to live near the ocean, and vice-versa.

What do these phenomena have in common? They lack a consciousness or satisfaction of the “Present.” The unspoken and likely unconscious message that we are activating in our external world is, “Whoever I am today, wherever I am today, and whatever I have today is not good enough .” You may be thinking, ‘Well, what’s wrong with wanting more or something different?’ Absolutely nothing! However, if we neglect to experience the NOW, to be conscious of all that we could be grateful and joyful for TODAY, then when exactly will we ever know what it is to be satisfied, rested and peaceful?

Eckhart Tolle, author of “A New Earth-Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” defines Presence as “…a state of inner spaciousness.” He further explains, “When you are present, you ask: How do I respond to the needs of this situation, of this moment ? In fact, you don’t even need to ask the question. You are still, alert, open to what is. You bring a new dimension into the situation: space.”

Being present and recognizing our inner “space” are powerful tools in feeling fulfilled and content every day, not just on the days when we’ve achieved a goal, closed a sale, or made a million.

So why is it that most of us struggle to remain in the here and now and instead spend an inordinate amount of mental energy in yesterday and tomorrow? My personal theory is that “the road” of NOW isn’t always as sexy, exciting, dramatic or emotion-filled as the roads of the past and future. Being the ego-driven creatures that we all are (or most of us, minus Buddha, Jesus, Lao Tzu…you get the picture), we tend to crave thoughts, stories, and memories that are all about ME and I. We can spend surprisingly long periods of time berating ourselves over what we didn’t do in the past or visualizing our wants and desires of the future.

But what happens when you focus on exactly what is in front of you now? What happens when you are present and fully give your attention to an employee, a customer, or your child? What happens when you immerse yourself in the issues, tasks and decisions of today? What happens to I and ME? Isn’t it true that I and ME begin to fade into the background? Is your inner monologue not hushed? Your emotions less all-consuming? Your days more productive and satisfying?

When we are not focused on the present, our inner dialogue takes over and the stories that consume us, those from the past and of the future, elicit feelings that often are negative and obsessive and can debilitate our ability to get things done. We become so obsessed with the stories of ME and I, that we associate with things that we cannot change or haven’t even happened, thus leaving us with a feeling of being stuck.

Getting un-stuck is a matter of consciousness and faith. To become more conscious of the moment, and to have more faith in the fact that all roads you have ever traveled and will travel will be the right ones, takes practice. Just by being aware that your inner space is being filled with ME and I stories is the first powerful step in being able to refocus on the here and now. The more you can catch your inner dialogue and become an observer of the story instead of the lead role, the more you will be able to harness the power of directing your focus on the tasks at hand, and living more happily and productively in the present.

Traveling the road of the “here and now” is not an easy task, but for those of us brave enough…well…I think Robert Frost said it best when he wrote:

Two roads diverged in the woods, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Coach Victoria

For some people, the phrase, “fall from grace” may invoke images of serpents, apples and fig leaves. What I am referring to, however, sweeps across the consciousness of every human being, regardless of spiritual and religious inclinations. It is a state of mind that can haunt our dreams, stall our best intentions and, at its worst, derail our path to the good life we are all intended to lead.

So what exactly is it to have “grace” in our day-to-day, living and what does it cost us to fall from it, exactly? Let’s look at an example to better illuminate this idea. It’s the New Year, and you have spent two solid days brainstorming, building, editing and re-editing your business or life plan for 2008. You were determined that nothing short of a tsunami, Class 4 twister or ground-swallowing earthquake could keep you from accomplishing this task. You even took precautions like sending your spouse and children to the slopes for a weekend of skiing. You had your 13-yr-old hide the remote control. You cancelled the paper delivery, lowered the volume on your message machine and stocked the refrigerator with TV dinners. You DID IT! Your plan for 2008 is written in stone and into your calendar. Fast forward to January 31st. You set 5 goals to accomplish by the end of January and two of them have not been crossed off. These two unfinished goals seem to be lifting off the page, mocking you. The Gremlin in your mind can smell the failure, is drooling and smacking his gruesome lips. He leans in close to your auditory cortex and here is what he tells you:

“See there, all that goal-setting nonsense didn’t get you anywhere. What a waste of time. Just forget about the rest of those crazy goals. You’re not going to do them anyway. You’re just too unorganized and way too busy. You’re just not good at sticking to your plans.”

And here starts “The Fall.” The tumble can be steep and long, even littered with boulders. Can anything stop your dizzying somersaults? Do you really have to hit the proverbial “rock bottom?”

I believe that the thing many of us neglect to launch our meaningful endeavors with is the same thing that can stop a downhill spiral. The key is GRACE. Other synonyms for Grace are kindness, poise and blessing. If we mentally poise ourselves at the beginning of any undertaking with some self-directed kindness, thus unleashing the flow of Grace, our accomplishments, regardless of how big or small, would be perceived as blessings and can shield us from the Gremlin’s fall.

Luckily, even if we do not first prepare ourselves with Grace and find ourselves falling on that slippery slope, we need only reach for the ever-waiting arms of Grace to help carry us back up the mountain.

Is there a formula for practicing Grace? I’m glad that you asked. My personal formula for practicing Grace is: G=R 3 , or Grace=(Recall) x (Reaffirm) x (Recommit).

The first step is to Recall all that you have accomplished in the past and to imagine the lift of good feelings and rush of endorphins that accompanied those wins. Next, it’s very important that you Reaffirm who you know yourself to be at your very best. If you’ve got your list of positive affirmations, read them. If not, write a new set of 10 positive affirmations immediately. Finally, Recommit to those goals, visions and/or aspirations that you feel passionate about. If you’ve lost the fire for one goal or the other, examine why that might be. Is fear holding you back? If it is, it’s likely a very worthwhile goal that needs to be broken down into smaller steps. If you feel a sense of boredom or simple disinterest, scrap it from the plan and move on.

Giving yourself Grace is not about giving yourself excuses. Excuses are external, verbal creations that are given to people whom you believe hold expectations of you. Grace is personal and steeped in forgiveness and new solutions. Excuses are mired in guilt and many times an unspoken desire to pass-off responsibility.

The following is a very famous quote that, perhaps, when you read it this time, will impact your consciousness in a whole new way.

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other” - Reinhold Niebuhr

All great accomplishments start internally, as a seed of thought in the mind. The goals that we set are the first promises we make to ourselves to bring those thoughts into action. If along the way we become derailed, or some of our goals seem to elude us, all we ever need do is to Recall, Reaffirm and Recommit, thereby summoning the blessings of Grace.

Not only, “Tis the season to be jolly,” but I say, “Tis the season to go mental!” It’s nearly impossible to avoid it anyway, right? Just about the time when the leaves begin to yellow and the afternoons turn in early, our attention starts to turn as well. Our thoughts move inward and we settle into a gentle reverie, contemplating the meaning of life and recalling what’s dear and important to us. Many of us unconsciously look for an outlet, and many times, it’s a creative one like painting, journaling or photography.

There are plenty of well-documented theories on why the change of seasons directly impacts our state of mind. However, what I believe would be more impactful than reading about the cause is discussing how to capitalize on the effect!

First, let’s illustrate the two avenues people take when they “go mental” during the colder months. There’s the group that searches out creative outlets and there’s the group that stews in their ruminations. You may recall a brisk November day when you came home to find your significant other curled up in a blanket, staring out into the backyard. You, being the concerned and sensitive partner that you are ask, “Honey, is everything ok?” And your partner, having gone mental, responds without turning to look at you, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things…” Unfortunately, the outlet for the “Stew In It” group tends to be the unsuspecting partner.

On the flip side, you may recall a brisk November day when you came home to find your significant other curled up in a blanket at the kitchen table with family photos strewn about, scrapbooking tools at the ready. Or, perhaps your partner had pulled the table saw out from the garage or the paints and paint brushes that had been in the closet since last year. And you, being the interested and curious partner that you are ask, “Honey, what are you up to?” And your partner, having gone mental, responds by looking at you with enthusiasm sparkling in their eyes and says, “I just got this crazy urge to….” (you fill in the blank).

We know instinctively what comes next in both of the above scenarios. So which avenue do you want to pursue? I believe that allowing ourselves some creative play during this contemplative time of year can ignite and inspire our career and personal aspirations. For most businesses, the winter months dictate a slowing-down period. What better opportunity to release your creative genius and tap into a part of your brain that mostly lies dormant the rest of the year?

So, what can you do right now to draw the best out of this winter “moodscape”?

Like everything else in life, it boils down to choice, which further boils down to conscious effort. Here’s an exercise to get you conscious about your choices. For the best possible outcome, invite your significant other to do this exercise as well.

Select 5 creative activities that you can engage in once a week throughout the winter:

Journal
Photography
Scrap-booking
Create a skit with your kids
Pencil sketch
Play a board game
Write poetry
Photography
Create a skit with your kids
Paint
Write a letter to a friend
Create bead jewelry
Blueprint your dream home
Crotchet/knit/sew
Do a science experiment
Create a new logo
Write a song
Play an instrument
Create a new chili recipe
Build a house of cards
Do a puzzle
Make & name your own beer
Create a vision board
Write a sermon for church
Sculpt with clay
Write a family newsletter
Rearrange your furniture
Build a blanket fort with your kids
Bake and decorate a cake

Of course, these are just examples to help get your creative ideas popping. Once you have selected the activities that you will engage in, put them into your calendar and treat them like any appointment you wouldn’t dare miss.

I believe that by taking advantage of this seasonal phenomenon and engaging the creative mind, we set off a domino effect that leads to more ingenious problem solving, negotiating, strategic planning and brainstorming in our business lives. The following famous quotes capture the importance of unleashing one’s creative brilliance.

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

The ability to convert ideas into things is the secret to outward success.
-Henry Ward Beecher

Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein

What if instead of throwing more ideas at the walls of your company’s next strategic planning conference, you threw several colors of paint? Or, in place of giving your boss a 20-page sales plan, you gave her a 30x40 Vision Board instead? How about having your team “Show-n-Tell” their goals during their next performance review? You might be thinking, “Has she gone completely mental?” Yes, yes, I have. And though I cannot predict where this creative landscape will take me or you, I know that it will provide solutions, new perspectives and limitless rewards.

I invite you this season to succumb to your creative genius, unleash the possibilities and enjoy going completely mental! I promise that your significant other will thank you for it.

All my best,
Coach V.

My client looked across his desk at me during our first day of my on-site visit and proclaimed, “It’s just like Texas Hold ‘em, Coach…I’m ALL in.” It struck me that the fierceness in which he drew out the vowel sound in Aaaall, prescribed his future. I experienced a moment of pure reverence for his human spirit. Those three words, I’M ALL IN, was his succinct way of saying…I believe in my true potential and in all things being possible and nothing can persuade me to believe otherwise...not failure, not risk, not challenge, nor the gremlin in my mind, occasionally pushing the buttons on my old tapes of self doubt.

Does being “all in” come to one after a certain and deliberate set of action steps? Does being “all in” occur when the chips are down, or when you feel at your safest and most secure? Does it happen overnight or after years of coaching, therapy and a lone six-month back-packing trip to Budapest? Yes! Yes, it does. You may feel I just dealt you an unsolvable riddle. The simple fact is that the cards that you have been dealt are always the winning cards. And, more spiritually, can you really second guess what God (or whatever higher being you believe in), created you to be? Wayne Dyer captures this in his book, The Power of Intention , when he writes, “I accept the guidance and assistance of the same force that created me. I let go of my ego, and I trust in this wisdom to move at its own peaceful pace. I make no demands on it.”

Let’s dissect Mr. Dyer’s affirmation to uncover the source of awe we feel when we read it. The active words or verbs in this quote are accept , create , let , trust and make . I can’t help but sense a message within the message, that is, in order to make or create the life we envision, we must not demand but simply accept and trust that the path we find ourselves on today will undoubtedly lead us to it.

Think about all of the times that you pushed, insisted, manipulated or out-right strong armed a person or a number of people into making a particular situation you desired come to fruition. Did it turn out as you had hoped? Were your “demands” met? Your vision fulfilled? I’ll bet that you were met with more challenges, set-backs and resistance than you first imagined and that the outcome was far from sweet.

Proclaiming to be ALL IN does not mean that we put our wishes, desires and goals above everyone else’s, nor does it mean pushing forward like a tornado obliterating everything in our path. Rather, being ALL IN means taking 100% responsibility for one’s self, knowing that there is a direct connection between our own goals and dreams and those of every other living human being and remembering that no one achieves success alone. This viewpoint was first introduced to me three years ago when I had the good fortune of seeing Zig Ziglar at a conference in San Diego, California. He said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

What feats do you believe you could accomplish by proclaiming, “I’m all in!” For one of my clients, being “all in” meant becoming an impeccable Leader, one whose team members will stretch as far she needs them to. For another client, it propelled him to tap into his talents as a public speaker, whereby he is now sharing his genius with dozens of people each month. For yet another, this silent proclamation spurred him to open his own company and become an entrepreneur who now enjoys more freedom than he ever has. You might wonder, ‘Is there something that these three people had in common?’ Absolutely! But if you thought it had anything to do with education, background, personality, money, environment, luck or I.Q. you would be way off the mark. What it does have to do with is this… They had a belief. They took risks, lots of them. They did not act alone and they gave and gave and gave.

If you’re ready to put in all your chips, what you need to do first is ask yourself these three questions: What do I believe in, passionately and absolutely? What risks am I taking today to enjoy my dreams tomorrow? Who do I know who could benefit from my assistance in some capacity or another?

Once you have gained clarity in regard to these three questions, you’ll have the confidence to stare destiny square in the eye, while deliberately moving that tall stack of chips out in front of you and declare, “I’m ALL in!”


-Coach V.